


Lean On Me

by shinedreamsmile



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:59:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26711815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinedreamsmile/pseuds/shinedreamsmile
Summary: For a moment Dowoon wonders if there’s a universe where he can freely love her, where she only looks at him, where he can drown her in kisses. That would be the universe Dowoon craves the most.
Relationships: Yoon Dowoon & Original Female Character(s), Yoon Dowoon/Reader
Kudos: 7





	Lean On Me

**Author's Note:**

> here's what my head came up with when i wrote another fic that's currently on hold. hope u enjoy<3

Friday nights are usually spent with parties in order to welcome the weekend for college students like Dowoon, but for him every damn nights are just the same. He’ll just shrink his body on the floor, his back pressed to the side of his bed, eyes roaming his phone screen as he practically smash his thumbs on it.

“Left! Left! Fuck!”

Dowoon swears he’s about to lose his mind as his team mates screw up the mission. He doesn’t remember when did his friends get this lame. Dowoon thought his game couldn’t be more fucked up but then his phone screen switches to a calling display as someone’s name popped up.

The thing is, rather than pissed off to the death because he gets interrupted in the middle of playing game, Dowoon somehow has a bad hunch about this call, that he actually is worried as why that person is still awake at this hour. Because the truth is let alone interrupting his game, hell, if she ever asked for a star in the sky Dowoon wouldn’t think twice and try to get it for her.

“What?” is what he says as soon as he picks up, abandoning his game.

Dowoon is honestly worried that he unnecessarily sounds bothered at all because he picks up the call pretty soon though, which won’t make any sense for him to sounds pissed.

But there’s no answer from the other side, not even a quiet noise that he could hear. It then builds up concern in Dowoon’s mind.

“If you won’t talk then call me later. I’m in the middle of pushing my rank up, you brat.”

Dowoon lies, he doesn’t want her to end the call. He wants her to talk, to tell him what happened to her because he somehow gets that something just happened that she called him but couldn’t afford to say it right away.

“Dowoon,” she finally speaks, “Am I ugly?”

The question makes Dowoon frowned, she is indeed someone that would come up with bunch of unexpected words and idea but this time Dowoon can’t help but get another question on his mind instead of answering her.

“Did you just get rejected by someone?” he asks back.

Dowoon hears her sighing, “Just answer it. I’m curious.”

Well, it’s not a hard question for Dowoon, the answer is so clear yet Dowoon can’t just blurt it out. As much as he really wants to say it out loud, he can’t find the courage. So as always, he tries to find the safe way to be not so obvious.

“I don’t even know why this matters,” he mutters.

Then Dowoon hears her retorts in the other side, “Just answer, damn it.”

Dowoon can’t hold the urge to scoff, at this point he nearly crossed the line that he drew himself. Oh how Dowoon really wants to compliment her, how he really wants to tell her that all his life Dowoon never came across someone as beautiful as her, that Dowoon truly adores every feature of hers.

“You’re not ugly,”

“Are you seri-”

“Not pretty either.”

“Fuck you,” he hears her cussing him, not even missing a single beat.

Rather than feeling offended, her curse drew a smile on Dowoon’s face instead. He really loves teasing his best friend and every little punch or curse that he earns from her is like a reward for him and Dowoon actually lost count of how many times he purposely tried to annoy her just to get her attention.

“What is it? Cut out the bullshits,” Dowoon continues.

She turns silent again, but Dowoon can wait. He doesn’t mind waiting, after all that’s what he’s been doing all this time, for her.

“I’m just.. thinking, you know,” she finally speaks.

“About what?”

She heaves a deep sigh, as if the question Dowoon uttered earlier is the equivalent of pouring a salt to an open cut that she currently endures.

“Jinyoung has a girlfriend..”

Dowoon shuts his eyes closed, there they go again. She’s going through another heartbreak and of course as a best friend Dowoon has to be there for her. It’s not the first time that she resorts to Dowoon when she’s hurt, but one thing that she doesn’t know after several heartbreaks she went through, that everytime she called him and told him that she’s hurt, her best friend’s heart is also as broken as hers.

“Then what?” Dowoon finally responded.

“Then I’m sad,”

A few moments later, when Dowoon is still trying to figure out the kind of words he has to utter, he hears it, the sound that breaks Dowoon’s heart even more.

She’s crying on the other side, and Dowoon can’t even begin to point out the things that he hates at the moment.

Park Jinyoung is not an unfamiliar name. Dowoon sees him a few times in campus but never been in the same class with him. However, his best friend shares a few classes with that boy and they became close after some group projects they did together. She never told Dowoon that she caught feelings for Jinyoung but Dowoon isn’t dumb and he could tell it from the way her eyes sparkles everytime she mentioned Jinyoung.

“Do you like him that much?” he asks softly.

He hears her sniffing, “I.. I don’t know. I’m just thinking about how he was so good to me, and the times when I look at him but he’s already staring at me.. I thought he liked me, but he’s just nice to everyone I guess. But still, he shouldn’t have been so good to me.”

Her voice trembled as she let out the pain that she was holding before. She doesn’t have anyone else but Dowoon to share her emotions and it’s just that she’s so used to let Dowoon see her at her lowest state. She trusts Dowoon and eventhough he rarely show her that he cares for her, she just knows that Dowoon actually listens to her.

But she keeps missing the point.

“Am I really ugly, Dowoon?”

Dowoon knows that her question is for real but he just can’t take it seriously, she is too naive.

“You think that shithead doesn’t reciprocate your feelings because you’re ugly?”

“Don’t call him like that!”

Dowoon chuckles. Look at her, still defending the boy that brought her into tears.

“I’m the one who should call him with things,” she finished her words.

Dowoon could’ve told her the answer that she probably would never imagined to hear but of course Dowoon also would never bring himself to that point.

“You’re not ugly. Maybe it’s just because Jinyoung’s girlfriend is prettier than you.”

“You’re really not helping,” she retorts.

How Dowoon really wants to see her annoyed face right now. So then Dowoon just paints her face on his mind while leaning his head back to the bed. The truth is, her face rarely leaves his mind on daily basis though.

None of them says anything for a few moment before Dowoon finally breaks the silence.

“Should I come over?”

That’s the least he can do, he thinks. Perhaps in this state she actually needs someone to be next to her and listen to her all day and night until she doesn’t feel the pain anymore. And Dowoon is so ready to get to wherever she is to make sure that she gets through it and feel alright again.

“No, don’t. I just want to sleep after this.”

“You sure?”

She hums and Dowoon wishes that she means it. After all, he doesn’t want to push her to let him physically be there for her, he hopes she knows that if she wishes him to be there she could count to three and he would be there.

“Alright then.”

Dowoon waits for her to say something after that, but he doesn’t prepare for the words that leave from her mouth.

“Thank you, Dowoon,” she mutters, “As always, I only have you.”

She has no idea how the words actually set Dowoon at the state where he doesn’t know whether to feel happy or sad about it, or probably both at the same time. He wants to tell her the same, but he has a whole another meaning behind it though.

“I know,” Dowoon hates himself that he could only afford saying that.

“Shut up.”

“Stop crying, I’ll kick his ass tomorrow.”

He then hears her clicking her tongue, “Like you will really do it.”

“I will if you want,” Dowoon doesn’t realize that he didn’t miss a beat to answer.

Dowoon’s lips then curls into a faint smile. His mind is wandering around, thinking about the possibilities of letting her know someday about how he truly feels about her. They’ve been friends for so long that sometimes Dowoon wonder if she ever noticed the little clues he left unconsciously. But even today, it seems like she just doesn’t get it.

“Just sleep then,”

It’s not like Dowoon really wants her to sleep, he actually still wants to talk to her, listening to his favorite voice. But as always, Dowoon just keeps doing the opposite of what he wants to do.

“You want to proceed your game that bad, huh?” there’s a slight annoyance in her voice, “I hope your rank will decrease.”

Dowoon chuckles, “No way. I’m too good at this game,”

Little does she know, Dowoon is talking about another game. A game of pretending.

“Are you feeling better?” Dowoon hears himself asking in a tender voice.

She doesn’t answer immediately, there’s a little pause and Dowoon almost think that she probably was about to break down again.

“I am,” she says at last.

Dowoon doesn’t know what else to talk. Deep down he prays that she will have a good sleep and forget about her feelings to Jinyoung completely. If only heartbreak was that easy to handle, then Dowoon himself should’ve had good sleep too all this time.

“Night, Dowoon.”

Dowoon bit his lower lip, “Good night.”

The call ended and that’s when Dowoon finally heaves a deep sigh that he had been holding. They’re going in the circle over again and there’s nothing that Dowoon can actually do. It’s like she just tosses her heart everytime anywhere else and never really see the one who’s ready to risk everything for her is always been there, all along, standing right in front of her.

Because Dowoon is too reluctant to come into the light, too afraid to risk the bond, as if one wrong word would make everything crumble down in a blink. So here he is, swallowing every bit of the pain that he at some point has became familiar with, hiding behind the shadow of a best friend.

+++

“Have you decided?” Wonpil asks.

Dowoon looks somewhere else as the question hit him. He knows for sure what Wonpil’s talking about, but he just doesn’t want to think about it. Not yet.

“Nope,” the younger simply answers.

Wonpil taps his shoulder once, “Oh come on, the earlier you say yes, the more amount of time that we can get to pratice.”

Dowoon chuckles, “You’re that positive that I’ll say yes?”

“Of course you would? It’s not like I recruite you to join a cult or something,” Wonpil retorts.

Dowoon could only laugh at the older’s bicker. Well, Wonpil is right to be sure about it anyway, because Dowoon is actually more than fifty percent agree to the idea.

About a week ago, Wonpil asked Dowoon to join his band along with the other three guys that Wonpil introduced to him, they’re Wonpil’s friends who somehow have the same interest to form a band. They need a drummer and Wonpil happens to know a friend of his with a talent of playing a drum who’s now sitting right next to him.

“I haven’t played drum for a while, you know?” he said.

Wonpil claps, “That’s why we need to practice.”

Dowoon sighs as he feels that this friend of his is just too good at convincing.

But he still takes his time to consider the offer because once the confirmation slips out from his mouth, then he has to spare his energy and time for it. Dowoon won’t count it as a burden though, but he can’t just blatantly take it either.

“When is it, again? The festival?”

Wonpil beams him a smile and Dowoon swears that Wonpil looks at him as if he’s a fish that’s trapped in Wonpil’s fishing net, “July, we still get plenty of time to practice. Yeah?”

Aside from playing games right after his class ends, Dowoon actually has nothing to do though and it won’t hurt to get back to his old hobby, he thinks. Wonpil even said that it’s not a permanent project, their main goal for now is just to perform at their campus music festival, he also heard that the performers will get paid.

“Okay,” he says at last.

Wonpil claps once again as he finally got the answer that he’s been waiting for a whole week.

“Nice,” the older takes out the phone from his jeans pocket right away, “I’ll tell the others that you’re in.”

At the same time, Dowoon feels his phone vibrates and he sees the most anticipated name pops up on the screen, Dowoon smiles at the preview of the text he received.

_Where are you?_

He doesn’t waste even a second and swiped up his lockscreen, typing the answer to the sender of the earlier message.

_My faculty’s park. Why?_

Dowoon glances at Wonpil, he is also still busy with his phone. In a few seconds, he received another reply.

_I’ll go there_

Dowoon somehow feels his mood light up. He didn’t get to see her for almost three days because their class schedule just didn’t match and she got piled up homeworks to be finished too. Dowoon misses her so much that he could feel his chest tightened at the thought of seeing her in a few minutes.

“Who’s that?”

Dowoon doesn’t realize since when did Wonpil lean closer to him that he could peek at Dowoon’s phone. The younger then hisses at the sudden invasion.

“My friend,” he answers anyway.

There’s a big grin that slowly blooms upon Wonpil’s face and Dowoon frowns at how the older looking at him.

“Friend, huh?” Wonpil asks again, “You saved her contact with ‘ _Stupid_ ’ next to her name.”

Dowoon doesn’t understand. He’s been naming her contact that way since long ago, well, to be precise ever since he found out that she saved his contact as “ _Stupid_ _Dowoon_ ” at first. It was when Dowoon lost his phone and he couldn’t get his previous sim card number so then he bought a new one and she said that she would keep Dowoon’s previous number then saved the new one with “ _Stupid_ ”.

“ _Because you lost your phone that’s why I saved it as Stupid Dowoon. Alright?”_

That was what she told him so then he also did the same for her contact number.

“So?” Dowoon asks with one eyebrow arched upwards.

“Don’t tell me it’s not a kind of affectionate name,” Wonpil says, the curiosity in his tone is so obvious.

Now Dowoon gets what Wonpil is trying to point. It’s complicated, Dowoon thinks. It’s not like Dowoon would deny the fact that he also finds it _cute_ , this little thing like saving her contact number with a nickname. But one thing that he can’t blurt out is how it’s just Dowoon who finds it affectionate.

“Does she know?”

Dowoon frowns at the question, but before he could answer Wonpil speaks again, “Let me guess, she has no idea at all.”

This can be played out as a joke, Dowoon can just pretend that Wonpil is trying to pry over nothing. But the thing is, Dowoon doesn’t intend dodge it.

“No, she’s just really stupid,” he answers at last.

Wonpil laughs, he somehow feels excited to know more about his younger friend whom he only knew since last year after they share some classes.

“How long have you two been friends?” Wonpil tilts his head.

Dowoon could sense excitement in Wonpil’s voice and he actually can’t believe that Wonpil could probably read him by the minimum clue he accidentally sees. Dowoon isn’t the type to easily open up to anyone, but he feels like it’s not gonna hurt him to at least share a little to lift off the burden that he’s been enduring for so long, all by himself.

It doesn’t take long for Dowoon’s mind to find the answer that Wonpil asked earlier. He still remember vividly the day they met for the first time. How the wind blew her long hair to the back that it made it easier for Dowoon to see her face features from the side. How she was the one who approached him because he was the closest one who was standing around her. How the prettiest smile that Dowoon had ever seen in his whole life bloomed in her face after they introduced each other’s name.

The moments of the following days then flashes before Dowoon’s eyes. Then it hit Dowoon, how he had spent lots of his time with her, and yet he just couldn’t find any chances to grasp himself together, that he probably wasted plenty of moments to let her know. 

“Since middle school,” Dowoon says.

Wonpil nods at the answer, “It must’ve been hard for you since the first time you realized that you develop feelings for her, she’s been around you for so long and you’re probably afraid to cause a damage to your friendship.”

Dowoon almost choked at how precise and accurate Wonpil’s words are. He isn’t quite sure if Wonpil didn’t pry at his life to get into that conclusion before this exact moment where the two of them sitting on a bench in their faculty’s park.

The younger finds it hard to let out another words, but he also didn’t intend to deny it either. He’s been lying to her, to himself, and he just doesn’t get any strength left nor the will to lie to Wonpil as well when the older seems to understand the situation quite well even only by tiny fragments of the clues from the way Dowoon carries it up throughout this conversation.

“Exactly,” Dowoon could only manage to say that.

“Did you ever think about telling her?”

Hell, Dowoon always imagines some scenarios on his head, yet none of them is finalized to be practically executed.

“I watched her dated some guys all this time, accompanied her to went through bunch of heartbreaks, and never even once I had the guts to step closer. At this point it would surprise me more than her if I let her know how I truly feel towards her.”

Wonpil wants to utter some words but he notices someone walking not too far behind Dowoon, she seems like she’s going to approach them so Wonpil holds back. Dowoon glances Wonpil because he doesn’t give any response but then he knows why when a velvety voice greets his sense of hearing.

“Oh,” she mumbles, “Hi.”

Dowoon finds himself spins his head in such a rush, slightly feels afraid if she heard what Dowoon said not too long ago. But judging from the innocent gaze she has at the moment, Dowoon chooses to believe that she didn’t.

But then he watches her and Wonpil exhange awkward smile as their eyes met. For an odd reason Dowoon feels like he has to keep her away from looking at Wonpil for too long because he can’t bear to

Dowoon’s heart becomes more at ease when her eyes focus on him now.

“Are you done with your class?” she asks.

Dowoon blinks as he finds it hard to answer immediately, he still thinks about the way she looked at Wonpil.

“I have one more,” he tries to sound as unbothered as he can, “Are you?”

“Same, wanna have dinner at Cleo’s?”

Dowoon just nodded, “Alright.”

The next thing that Dowoon didn’t see coming is how she throws her gaze back at Wonpil and beams him a smile, “Do you wanna come with us too— _“_

_Shit, she’s flirting._

Dowoon could only swallow his curse along with the lump that’s stuck on his throat.

“No,” Wonpil chuckles, “I have to go somewhere later, thanks for inviting.”

Part of Dowoon actually starts to crumble down as for a moment he thought Wonpil would agree to the idea and come along with them for dinner after Dowoon disclosed his pitiful friendzone situation to him. Meanwhile another part of Dowoon is just numb as he is actually used to see this, to witness her setting her eyes to another guys while he’s right there.

Dowoon is too scared to look at her and see the expression that she displays as Wonpil turned down her invitation, but he glances her anyway even when his heart is not ready.

She just nods and looks totally unbothered though much to Dowoon’s surprise. But he doen’t think that she would blatantly show her disappointment either.

“I’ll let you know when my class dismiss, okay?” she nudges Dowoon’s arm.

Dowoon just submissively nods before she nonverbally bids goodbye and leave.

Just when she fully vanished from his sight, Dowoon lets out a sigh which then somehow sounds more like a scoff.

“She’s something else,” Dowoon utters at last.

+++

Dowoon’s class ended earlier so he waited in front of her class. When she meets him again, Dowoon swears his legs wobbled a bit as she shoots him her beautiful smile.

The walk to the Cleo’s is filled with her ranting about her days. The rant doesn’t stop even when they’re arrived. Most of the time Dowoon just listens to her stories for the past three days. She tells him about how her partners for the new group project in this semester are such pain in the ass that she would actually do several back flips to change partners if it could happen, she also tells him that her mom visited her dorm yesterday and gave some cakes that she baked and told her to share Dowoon some.

Dowoon tries so hard to make sure that he doesn’t stares too long at her when she speaks because once his eyes meet hers it would be hard for him to break free from her and he’d surely lose himself so he chose to stick his eyes on his food while occasionally hums everytime she pauses. Dowoon loves the fact that he can catch up her days, he doesn’t mind to spend the rest of his life just to listen to her.

When they finish their dinner, she says she doesn’t want to go back to her dorm yet, it’s Friday night and she has no class tomorrow so she wants to spend more time with Dowoon. The boy nearly exclaimed out loud.

So now they’re both walking to Dowoon’s dorm because he just randomly says about the new video game that he installed and perhaps she’ll like this one. It only takes about five minutes walk to Dowoon’s dorm.

As they’re arrived in Dowoon’s room, she immediately let out cakes from her bag and put it upon the counter at the corner of the room. Dowoon’s room is just the casual size of what every other room for college students and he never really had time to manage his room but still tries to keep it decent somehow.

Dowoon begins to plug the video game tools and turn it on, meanwhile his best friend prepare the cakes and some other snacks they brought on the way.

“Mario Kart?” she chuckles once she sees the screen.

Dowoon is confused at her reaction so he glances at her, “You can’t even play this?”

Which then earns a shove from her.

“Look at you, underestimating me again. I just didn’t think this is the game that you were talking about.”

Dowoon shrugs as he hands her one of the wireless joystick, “Well this is the most basic game that I believe your poor skill can afford,” he teases.

Of course he’s aware of another shove he receives later from her as he reaches out to get the cake her mom baked.

“Oh, I never met your friend that you talked to earlier,” she glances at Dowoon.

Dowoon knows who’s she talking about and his heart somehow sinks at the realization that she tries to bring up about him.

“That’s Wonpil,” Dowoon’s eyes still focus on the screen, “I share some classes with him.”

From the corner of his eyes, Dowoon could see that she slightly nods.

“He’s cute.”

In a cue Dowoon’s breath hitches, he doesn’t know how to respond as he feels his heart slowly starts to shatter. It’s just barely a compliment yet it still hurts him, he has experienced worse though. But this one somehow bothers him because Wonpil is his friend, not just some random guys. He is sure that she’s now letting out the bait to make him tell her more about his cute friend.

“Just saying,” she adds.

Dowoon licks his lower lip as he maintain his position on the race, he’s currently first and she is third, that’s her best rank so far. Dowoon now plays the game by instinct, because he can’t stop thinking about the possibilities of her wanting to know more about Wonpil.

Eventhough she seems like she’s really just saying it, Dowoon can feel it in his guts that sooner or later she will bring up Wonpil again. Because unlike the other days, the guy that caught her eyes is someone who is pretty close to Dowoon and it is highly predictive if later she will dig some information about him from Dowoon.

“He’s a close friend of Jinyoung,” Dowoon hears himself says, “Just saying.”

“Huh?”

She didn’t even miss a beat, Dowoon noticed. He can’t help but slightly turn his head to see her face and he is somehow delighted by the funny nose scrunch she does as she keeps focusing on the screen, “That’s not cute.”

Dowoon doesn’t retain his chuckle. It’s been weeks since the last time she talked about Jinyoung. She said ever since she found out that he already had a girlfriend, she made sure not to breathe in the same space with him in their classes, under any circumtances. She just couldn’t bear anything related to him, saying that she wanted to stay away from him for good.

But it’s true about what Dowoon said earlier, that Wonpil is a close friend of Jinyoung. Eventhough they aren’t in the same major, Wonpil and Jinyoung are friends from high school and Wonpil sometimes bring Jinyoung when their group of friends hang out.

So Dowoon thinks that she probably wants to withdraw from her hunt as she seems like she’s still reluctant to be attached to someone that will remind her about her previous heartbreak.

“Damn it, Dowoon, let me win for once!” she whines.

The noise from the joystick on her hands sounds like it’s about to break.

Dowoon clicks his tongue, “You can’t even pass the second racer.”

“That ugly massive turtle always missed my traps,” she retorts.

Dowoon feels his shoulders vibrate as he laughs at the way she whines. But this time she somehow managed to hit the second racer with her trap and now she’s in the second place. He quitely smiles as she exclaims after getting rid of the annoying second racer. Her shoutings become more noisy as she gave her all to catch up Dowoon.

Slowly Dowoon loosens his pace and wait for her to approach his kart, he glances at her screen as his kart is not too far ahead from her.

“Wait for it, Yoon Dowoon.”

He sees her preparing a bomb to throw at him and Dowoon could barely retain his laugh as she letting out panic noises because it’s the last lap and Dowoon is getting closer to the finish line. But in the end she throws her bomb and eventhough Dowoon could’ve avoided it, he chose to stay.

“Damn it!” Dowoon reflectly pretends to whine, while in fact he waited for the moment.

She made Dowoon’s kart flew away and with five seconds left, she managed to pass the finish line first. Dowoon scoffs at how she celebrates her winning with the childish mocking dance.

“Happy, huh?”

Rather than answering, she throws a few chips towards Dowoon’s face, making the boy yelps at her unexpected attack. His best friend demands for a second round but Dowoon denies right away, he said one round is enough and he wants to eat the snack instead, which then earned a slap on his arm by the girl who whines about second round.

“Ahh! Okay, okay, but let me eat first,” Dowoon tilts his body to avoid the continous slap on his arm.

She slaps his arm for the last time, “Can’t you just eat while playing?!”

Dowoon doesn’t even bother to answer, he takes the little white box that he thought about a lot since he knew what’s inside of it. The cake looks so delicious and Dowoon believes that it tastes much more delicious, he remembers that her mom really bakes well and whenever she bakes she always gives some to Dowoon.

“I always love your mom’s cakes,” he chirps.

Dowoon glances at her, she looks like she just yawned but then smiles right away at his words.

“They’re bussiness worth, right? I already told my mom, but she’s so hard to to convince, saying that she has no energy to receive orders.“

Dowoon can actually understands why her mom refused to what she recommended, because her mom probably bakes only to fill her free time though. They’re both now leaning their backs to the side of Dowoon’s bed while enjoying their snacks. Dowoon is lost on his own mind, wondering should he tell her about the idea of him joining a band with Wonpil and the other guys.

Of course it’s not a big deal, Dowoon will tell her anyway but he just wonders is it the right time to discuss it or not. She knows that Dowoon used to love drumming and he also loved playing cajon back in high school, but he played it just for fun, this time the band that he’s about to join does have a goal which is to perform in the campus festival and although Dowoon is somehow excited to play in front of big amount of audience, he still feels quite nervous about it.

So he needs reassurement and it should come from no one but her, he believes. He needs her to keep him stable and on track, to tell him that he’ll be fine and do it right.

“Listen,” Dowoon finally begins, “Wonpil asked me to—”

He doesn’t get to finish his words as he feels a weight suddenly landed on his shoulder. Dowoon doesn’t realize about how close their proximity is that now she leans her temple on his shoulder, eyes closed and asleep.

Dowoon tilts his head a bit to have a better angle to see if she’s really asleep, he’s sure that earlier he could hear her munching but it seems like she’s in deep slumber already. Dowoon really wants to chuckle, but he’s afraid it would wake her up.

So he just stares at her and God, Dowoon is dying to retain himself from screaming out loud as he just come into the realization that they’re painfully close right now.

From this angle, Dowoon can see her face features in detail. She’s always so beautiful but now seeing from this up close, Dowoon can’t help but nervous at how breathtaking she is.

He loves every part of her and now he’s taking his time to appreciate it one by one, from the way her bangs parted, showing a glimpse of her forehead, then her eyelashes that flutters a bit as she breathes, her nose, her puffy cheeks that he loves to squeeze in every chances that he got, and finally her lips that he just found out looks much more pink from this close.

Her lips, the gate of all her being, Dowoon found himself gazing at it, realizing that it’s slightly parted as he can hear the sound of her soft breathing. For a moment, he wonders how it feels like to have her lips pressed on his, to let her know how he truly feels all this time, to make her stop looking away.

So Dowoon slowly pushes his head and leans even closer, his eyes still attached on her lips as he unconsciously gulps, Dowoon can feel his heart is now on his throat that he can probably burst out at any second. As the distance of their lips is getting thinner, Dowoon shuts his eyes, he feels his body tenses up.

It only takes one second for Dowoon to feel a pang on his heart. Dowoon opens his eyes again, something just hit him and in the next second he realized that he doesn’t want this, he doesn’t want to take things as pure as kisses away from her when she has no idea at all about it.

Yes, Dowoon loves her, he’s so ready to be willingly trade anything of his for her happiness, for her to always feel loved and content, but even if she never knows anything about that it doesn’t make Dowoon has the right to be selfish. He loves her unconditionally and he just wants to let it be like that until his heart clenches to the point he’s unable to feel anymore.

Dowoon sighs as he straightens his head again, eyes glancing the features of her face one more time. Before Dowoon could stop himself, he plants a gentle kiss on her forehead instead, this time he doesn’t let his brain give any judgment to what his heart cries out.

It was so quick, just a chaste kiss that barely lasts, but Dowoon could still sniff the scent of her hair and he really loves it.

For a moment Dowoon wonders if there’s a universe where he can freely love her, where she only looks at him, where he can drown her in kisses. That’d be the universe Dowoon craves the most.


End file.
